When the Future is NOT Female…and That’s Beautiful//Pittsburgh Wedding Photographer//Pittsburgh Family Photographer

Let me teach you something. When you ask a woman who is in her belly, it’s like inviting yourself to a party. You better be a fun guest and excited to celebrate. Otherwise, don’t come to the party.

Oh public. Oh people. How I love how much you want to know what the baby in my belly is. You just can’t wait to hear which “way” my family is going or what my family dynamic will be and whether or not you think it’s the ideal family formula. I get it. I love knowing who women are expecting to love face to face in a couple months.

Everywhere I go…You count my children. You see that I have 3 boys and what comes next, I dread…because I already know your reaction.

“what is in your belly!!?? Do you know what you’re having!? Let me guess! Is it a girl!? a GIRL? A girl. Pink? A little sister!? IS IT A GIRL?” I would be a bazillion-aire if I had a quarter for every time someone said the word “GIRL” to me this pregnancy.

Here is me, with a full belly of life inside. A soul is wiggling and kicking my body and I cherish every movement. I have prayed for this baby and asked for God’s protection of this little life since the day I knew it was there. I have anxiously made it one day at a time through this pregnancy, hoping with all the hopes inside of me that this baby would grow, grow, grow to the point where I can just put my nose to this little nose and thank God with the most overwhelming humility I have ever felt…that he created new flesh out of us. What a miracle. So here we go…are you ready?

IT’S A BOY! Your face looks like I just told you I lost a job or I have an incurable case of warts. You are struggling to say something witty and unique. You feel awkward. So do I. 

But here is what I am thinking as I say “It’s a boy.” I am thinking of the next person that will absolutely steal my heart in every way. Because THAT is what it feels like to be expecting “another” boy.

So, the proper response to me (and probably every other pregnant momma you encounter) is: “Congratulations!!!” “How AWESOME!” “You are so blessed” (A combo of all 3= bonus). 

And by the way, he is NOT “another”…he is an individual. He is his own. He will like and dislike things differently than my other sons. He will have a favorite blanket and a favorite toy. He will have unique skills and passions. I am obsessed with the intricacies of each of these dynamic people that God lets me shepherd- that’s what being a mom is! I have a super-human ability to over-exaggerate their abilities and achievements, even their breathing inspires me. And the air that comes in and out of each set of lungs is uniquely his and his and his and his… and worth more than every jewel in the world to me. These 4 boys are entrusted in my care and you better believe I will defend each one with a fierce momma toughness that exclaims: “HE, my son, is a BOY and will be celebrated in the fullness of what that means to us, to him and to the Lord.”

We are having a boy. A BEAUTIFUL boy. A treasured and anticipated and loved BOY. Dear Earth of people, He is my son already. He is about to make us smile and laugh in thousands of ways. He is about to make us cry embarrassing proud parent tears. We will sit over him while he sleeps and watch his chest move up and down and thank God WE, of all people, get to be HIS parents. He has special outfits waiting for him and an unfilled baby book ready to be decorated with my gushing adoration of being his mom. I have seen his beautiful body wiggling on the ultrasound screen with tears streaming from my eyes: “There he is! That’s my boy!”

I love him SO much already, I weep as I write this. My entire pregnancy, the responses to the announcement of WHO he is has made me feel like I am making a confession instead of inviting you to share in a celebration. I have had about 5 strangers say “congratulations!!!” to me about my son out of literally hundreds of inquirers. Unfortunately, the rest of the responses have been a mix of (and no I am not making up these comments):

“I’m sorry” x 2

“You must be a glutton for punishment-haha” x 2

“Will you try AGAIN for a girl!?” x 50,000 (We WERE not and ARE not trying for a girl-we are trying to create people to love and so far have a 100% success rate). 

After seeing my 3 sons, dressed the same at church and then my belly: “Is it AT LEAST a GIRL!?”

The nurse asking my 6 year old son in his check-up: “Are you having a little brother or a sister?” Oakley: “A brother!” The Nurse: “Oh, but it would have been nice if your mommy had a sister wouldn’t it?” (Seriously!? Seriously.)

The lady in Crate and Barrel: “Yeah, that’s why I stopped at two boys. My friend had 5 boys and stopped because she just KNEW the next one was going to be a boy.” (Did you really just tell my third son that you stopped having children altogether because you couldn’t bear the thought of having a third boy?!? Do you realize how rude this is?)

“That’s why we stopped” x 2 more.

“Did you get your girl?” (Umm what? what girl? Do I have a girl out there floating in space that I somehow didn’t “get”???) Why not ask me if I am getting my 4th beloved son? “Why yes, I got him! I caught him! How lucky am I!?”

Honorable mentions:

Me: “This is my 4th boy!” Them: “Oh. Well that’s fun though.” (Though what!? Compared to what!? IT IS FUN! PERIOD! When you say “though”, it’s like you are reassuring me it will be fun…I love LOVE LOVE my sons. I am HAPPY! Don’t treat me like I must be disappointed.)

“Are you going to try again for a girl” …Seriously? Have you been pregnant or birthed lately? IT IS HARD WORK! Have you held and loved and fed a newborn in the night recently? GOODNESS gracious SURVIVAL MODE! Have you raised a person to adulthood, dedicating your life to hoping they grow up to be law-abiding citizens!? Can I birth this baby first and cuddle and love and treasure him first and then consider adding another human being to our family?

Don’t dismiss my son as if he was just a failed attempt at a girl. 

Finally dear Earth of inquirers, I am the wife to a third boy. He was loved and cherished into the wonderful man that he is despite the world telling his mom that he is just “another”. And guess what? He has a younger brother…who was the 4th boy. My life wouldn’t be what it is without a third boy and my sister-in-law Julie’s life wouldn’t be hers without her husband, a 4th boy. I am so glad my mother-in-law laughed in the face of the world telling her she “needed” a girl to be wholeheartedly invested in the joy of being a mom. Without her loving my husband with all her might, I would not have the husband I have today.

These photos are dedicated to you, my beautiful wonderful son. We found out you were here amongst us and we took these photos to celebrate.

Of my favorite mommas took these photos of us. She is the best photog in Northeast Florida. HIRE this girl!

Dawn Wallace of Daybreak Photo Co. Thank you for chasing my boys around a beach to show the world the wonder of boys!